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Auntie Talk is thoughts and views from an Aunt’s perspective. Aunts are a little bit like parents, a little bit like teachers, and a little bit like a best friend.

It’s does take a village to raise children. There is nothing like having people in your child’s corner. People to support, encourage, and impart knowledge for your children.

But what about mom? She also needs a village. Mom’s are pulled in every direction. She works, she cooks, she cleans. She loves, she consoles, she disciplines. During the day she has to wear many hats. There are not enough hours in the day for moms these days. By the end of the week she is burned out, and then the mom guilt sets in, she beats herself up, thinking she’s not a good wife, or mother because she just doesn’t have the energy and in many cases the desire to do anything. My sister actually is just now understanding the importance of self care, she even wrote something about it, you should check it out.

What can aunties do to show their support?

Personally, I’ve seen my sister just zone out, she’s got so much on her mind. We’ll be in mid conversation and she’ll randomly blurt something out, and I am like, “where the heck did that come from?” Homegirl has a lot on her mind, it’s constantly going. I’ve seen how hard she works for her family, she has many roles at home. Not just mom, and wife, but now caregiver to her father-n-law. EVERYDAY has it’s own challenge and EVERYDAY is just different from the last. And like most moms, she feels unappreciated. In the words of Whitney, “It’s not right, but it’s okay…”. I see you sister, and I see the hard work you put in for your family.

So back to the question, what can aunties do? I feel it is so important for Moms to feel heard and seen. We’ve talked about how children have feelings and thoughts and we want them to be able to express themselves and feel like we are listening. It’s no different for Mom’s. I’ve noticed that my sister just needs a space to just vent. It’s important I create that safe space for her. No solutions needed, just her talking and me listening. Trying to relate to her.

Encouragement and words of reassurance can mean the difference between a good day and a bad day. Moms get over looked when it comes to hearing words of encouragement. My goal is to tell her as often as I can what a good job she is doing. I try to send her Starbucks gift cards , or just random gifts. So she knows that someone was thinking of her. I try to get her to not stress and don’t sweat the small stuff. Reassure her that, even when things go left, or even WAY left, it’s okay, part of life. How can we turn things around together. Shoot, we got to do the best we can with what we got sis!

At times I do offer practical help. I am more than happy to take the kids out, get them out of her hair for a while. Take some things off her plate, if I cook, I try to cook enough for her and her household too. I mean we all can relate to how tiresome it is after working all day, and then have to figure out what to eat for dinner. If she needs me to go with her to run errands, take the kids to doctor’s appointments, pick them up from school. Whatever it is, I do my best to be available.

Boundaries as an Aunt can be hard, but needed. This is a way of showing my support as she parents her kids. How she disciplines, and implements rules and assigns chores. Aunts can be viewed as second parents, but it doesn’t mean we overstep or undermine what mom is doing for her kids. She teaching them, she’s guiding them. Support that! Don’t be like the grandparents and let these kids do what they want!

One thing I would like to do more is make sure my sister and I have time together as sisters. That’s goes back to creating that safe space for her. It’s an opportunity to let her hair down. Forget her responsibilities for a while, enjoy time away from home. There is something about margaritas and tacos that screams “Sister Time!”

Moms need support, bottomline. These are just somethings I try to do as a sister, as an Auntie. Every family is different, we all have to find ways to be loving and supportive.

Please stay tuned for more Auntie talk!

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